I Do Believe

I may be wrong, but my behavior seems ridiculously illogical. Consider if you will my predicament:

#1. I want to be happy. Beneath sundry motives and emotions sits this fundamental desire. I long for joy and contentment.

#2. I know where to find what I’m looking for. I know where true happiness lies. David knew also: “You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:11).
I believe with all my heart that ultimate satisfaction awaits me in God’s presence; that communion with Him constitutes joy in its purest form. I am wholly convinced that—my purpose being to glorify and enjoy God—no other occupation can possibly produce more intense contentment.

#3. Here is my problem: I cannot bring myself to strive after that which I most desire. I know what I want and I know how to get it – but I can’t. I find myself attracted to so many inferior comforts, motivated by so many illegitimate desires, and allured by so many trivial experiences.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Rom 7:15).

It’s not just active sin that keeps me from my father’s presence. It’s a kind of lethargy. I know that, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us…” (2 Peter 1:3), but I move so slowly towards fuller knowledge of Christ. Here I have His words, His self revelation; here I have His faithful servants around me, constantly testifying to the power and wonder of his love. What a wretched man I am! What a stupid creature I must be! How intense the shadows of my unregenerate heart must have been that they linger still despite this radiant light of Christ and His gospel. And how great must be the love of this God, who bears with such wondrous patience the prayerlessness and lovelessness of His own children, who look up to the cross—the ultimate sacrifice, the symbol of the most intense sorrow ever experienced: the severing of the infinite bond of love between the Father and Son—and respond with such inappropriate apathy, which renders the divine gift a mere accessory to life.
So there’s something wrong with my heart still. But the situation is not desperate; the God who loved me enough to endure hell on my behalf, well aware of the depravity of my soul and the completely inappropriate response I would offer, loves me enough to bear my weakness with patience and gently bring me nearer and nearer to His presence. “Praise be to God, through Christ Jesus our Lord!”
And so my lack of love serves to highlight his unconditional faithfulness all the more, and calls for even more praise—indeed it compels me once again to “make every effort to add to [my] faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly-kindness; and to brotherly-kindness, love.” For my Lord promises, “if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the kingdom of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 1:5-11). "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" (Matt. 7:7).

So I encourage you, fellow believer—if you believe his promises, don’t just rest in them. Act on them. Seek Him.